Here's a few things I've been thinking about. I know that's what a blog is... asshole.



There is no such thing as a "1st Annual" anything.
By definition, something isn't "annual" unless it happens every year. You can't have the First Annual Diabetes Bake Sale, but you can have the Inaugural Kanye West Ball Stomping Extravaganza. Let me just add, however, that if you do have an event that involves stomping Kanye West's testicles, please FOR THE LOVE OF GOD have it at least once a year.





I really think everyone should stop saying that someone was "horrifically mutilated." I think that just saying they've been mutilated should suffice. Have you ever seen a sexy mutilation? If the name "Elizabeth Hasselbeck" came to mind as an actual response to that question, go ahead and give yourself a cookie.





Let's give it up for Neil Patrick Harris for a great job hosting the Emmy's, and to the sexiest Jew on the planet, Sarah Silverman, for showing everyone why she should have won the Emmy.





Ladies, please don't wear Guess? brand jeans unless you're actually willing to hear my guess. Most of the time, my answer is going to involve me mentioning rhinos, but keep in mind you're the one letting your ass cheek ask the questions.



Paula Abdul somehow got the balls to release a Greatest Hits album. To bad it was already released in 1988 under the less ridiculous title of Forever Your Girl.

Can we please just knock it the fuck off with the Final Destination movies? The increasingly inaccurately titled first installment Final Destination had the tag line: "You can't cheat Death." The sequel, Final Destination 2 (in AND OF ITSELF an impossibility) had the tag line: "You can't cheat Death... twice." Well, the joke's on us! Apparently you can cheat death four times at the very least! And in 3-D! The only way this web of shit could be any more tangled would be if they had done us all a favor and named the original film The 1st Annual Final Destination.